An unconventional way to improve your relationship
The number strong marriages among my romance-writing colleagues has always amazed me. So many seem to not only have great relationships, but a strong sense of respect and appreciation for their partners. When I was approached for a guest post and asked for ideas to feature on my blog, this was the first that came to mind. Was my observation correct? Or was it my imagination?
Thanks to them for pulling this fascinating article together.
There are thousands of ways to bring a little zest to your relationship: lingerie and couples retreats, how-to books or the Kama Sutra, the list goes on. At the end of the day, most couples wouldn’t mind improving their relationship—especially their sexual one. According to Woman’sDayMagazine.com, less than half of Americans report being satisfied with their sex life. And while the more traditional routes of reconnecting in the bedroom have their merits, a more unconventional way may be the ticket: reading erotic romance.
The vast majority of romance readers are women (84 percent) while only 16 percent of men delve into the genre, according to Romance Writers of America. But a woman’s preference in romance novels is often reflective of her desires or fantasies when it comes to her own romantic life. With that in mind, if more couples were to read romance together, perhaps it could make their relationship stronger.
According to a survey conducted by the FussyLibrarian.com, only 11 percent of erotic romance authors are divorced. That number is much lower than the average divorce rate in the U.S., which the American Psychological Association reports hovers around 40 percent.
If erotic romance is one way to a happier love life, it’s no wonder the authors of this genre seem to have thriving relationships. After all, their partners are surrounded by romance novels 24/7 and may even be active participants in the brainstorming process. They might act as a sounding board for ideas, offer input or feedback, or give their opinions on anything from title and character names to whether their spouse should set a scene in the bedroom or an elevator. Even if that amount of involvement is a stretch, the outcome is likely the same: significant others of erotic writers know romance.
So what is it about reading erotic romance that leads to an improved sex life with your partner?
In detailing ways to boost one’s libido, Adameve.com writes that reading erotica is a great way to focus your mind on the sexual. It makes sense—reading steamy scenes causes your body to take notice. It’s not so much the explicit sex detailed in romance novels that help improve a woman’s libido. Rather, the emotional aspects of a satisfying love scene stimulate both the body and mind.
Whether you and your significant other read romance novels as inspiration to get out of a slump or as foreplay to jump start your sex drive, the important thing is that you’re increasing intimacy (and the urge to get it on) with every passage you peruse together.
Trust is an important factor in any successful relationship, and your love life. If you and your partner don’t have that trust in your day-to-day interactions, chances are things aren’t so exciting in the bedroom either. Reading erotic romance can increase the level of comfort you and your partner have with one another on an intimate level.
Romance novels often contain relationships where one (or more) of the characters has a low level of trust. Throughout the course of the novel, this character typically learns to be open and vulnerable with their significant other, an evolution that produces the quintessential happily-ever-after ending.
While it might not happen exactly like that for your relationship, chances are that reading the scenes will encourage you and your partner to communicate more openly in the bedroom about your sexual desires and needs. This will build more trust in your sex life and positively impact the other areas of your life together as well.
By reading erotic romance novels, you become more aware of your fantasies, desires, and what you like. When you and your partner read them together, these results become two-fold. Suddenly, you both are more in tune with not just yourselves, but each other.
By exploring different fantasies vicariously through the scenes in a romance novel, a judgment-free zone is created, allowing you and your lover to discuss new positions and scenarios you might want to try without the fear of rejection. What may have before been a huge jump for the two of you sexually probably doesn’t seem so daunting after the characters in your novel have already explored it for you.